Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
