you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize