Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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