I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
