I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
