i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Never joke about your clitoris.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize