that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this just has baby written all over it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
