my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
