I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
