I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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