After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
