your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
