His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
