so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
