who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
