I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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