drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
