he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
