but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
