I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Panties = found
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