well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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