new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
