We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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