Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
