mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
