i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love having hate sex.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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