also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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