I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
