my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
