First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
