its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
