I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
