I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
