Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
