Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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