You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
