I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
