she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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