If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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