he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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