Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
false alarm. still invincible.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
