i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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