who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
