her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dicks are not precious.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
