Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
