Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
