I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
