What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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