I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
