Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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