whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
