last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
