if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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