im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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