He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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