i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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