You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize