im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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