dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize