I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We don't watch enough power rangers
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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