5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
