She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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