Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My breasts were aching with rage.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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