It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
