I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
