I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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